"I'm Already There"

Tonight I went out for dinner with another 'new widow' in the town where I live. She is 9 years older than me and her husband died of cancer 4 days before Shawn died. Since Shawn has died I have often thought what would be worse to have your husband die suddenly without notice like Shawn, or to know that your husband was going to die of a horrible disease and watch the love of your life be in pain and to watch him die. After thinking about it I don't think there is a right answer to the question, I think both would be equally as hard and as difficult each in their own way.

While we were eating she asked me if I can 'feel' Shawn with me. I shook my head up and down at her and told her yes I can feel Shawn and I know he is with me. In a round about sort of way she asked me for examples. I told her about the dream I had with Shawn in it a few weeks ago, about the time I was talking to him at the cemetery and asked him for a sign and the sun came out, and I told her that sometimes especially when I feel like I really need it I get this weird almost like warm sensation come over me. I like to think it's Shawn giving me a hug, because I got that same feeling when he would wrap his arms around me. I went on to tell her that I think in a very strange way Shawn was preparing me for this and that he is still the one who is helping me to be strong through all of this. He 'coached' me for this.

Then as I was turning on my car to leave a song by the country group Lonestar came on the radio. Shawn and I both love this group, one of their songs Amazed is on my play list. Anyways the name of the song is "I'm Already There" It is about a Daddy and a husband who is out on the road with his band and how his family misses him and in return how he misses them. But if they look around he is always with them. I have heard this song a million times but tonight thought about the words much differently especially after the conversation at dinner. As I was listening I had tears in my eyes (shocking I know) but also felt comforted by the song and smiled, Shawn is really still with me in so many ways. The words are as follows and they are so true at least to me because gratefully I can still feel Shawn:

He called her on the road
from a lonely cold hotel room
Just to hear her say "I love you" one more time
But when he heard the sound
Of the kids laughing in the background
He had to wipe away a tear from his eye

A little voice came on the phone
Said "Daddy when you comin' home?"
He said the first thing that came to his mind

CHORUS:
I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair, I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm your imaginary friend
And I know I'm in your prayers
Oh I'm already there

She got back on the phone
Said "I really miss you darlin'"
Don't worry about the kids, they'll be alright
Wish I was in your arms lyin' right there beside you
But I know I'll be in your dreams tonight
And I'll gently kiss your lips
And touch you with my fingertips
So turn out the light and close your eyes

CHORUS:
I'm already there
Don't make a sound
I'm the beating of your heart
I'm the moonlight shinning down
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there 'til the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Oh I'm already there

We maybe a thousand miles apart
But I'll be with you wherever you are

I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind

Shawn is with me, he is everywhere. I smile when I see the sun because of him, he knows how much I love sunny days. Shawn is the beating of my heart and I will always feel and know the love that we shared. We are more than a thousand miles apart but I know that he will always be with me wherever I am.

What a peaceful song.
I love you Shawn~thank you for all you are continuing to do for me!