As many of you know I went to church yesterday for the first time in many, many years. I was thinking about it on Saturday night and I think I realized that it has been around 12-15 years since the last time I been to church for an actual service. So it had been a really long time to say the very least. I also almost 100% guarantee if Shawn hadn't of died, and I wouldn't have lost the baby I would not have gone to church yesterday either. You see Shawn and I both believed in God, but we weren't at that point in our life yet where we felt like we needed to go to church. I went yesterday because I feel like now with what has happened in my life I do need to go, I have questions that I need to be answered. So I went with Sarah, and two of her friends Marni and Collette and their families. At first I wasn't going to post my experience because I didn't know if it was something too personal to share and I didn't want to offend anybody by talking about religion. However, after thinking about it I realized that I have already shared so much of my life with you, that you all may want to hear about this as well. Several of you have even left me emails/comments asking how my day was yesterday. Thank you for thinking about me. So here it goes...
The service started out with lots of singing. I have never gone to a church were there was so much music and man could they all sing. As many of you know as well Sarah is a singer. At one point she was singing a song and I actually had goose mumps her voice is just amazing. After the songs the pastor got to the message.
I didn't want to go to church just to go, I felt if I made the decision to go that I went for a reason and that I really needed to pay attention to what the message that was being spoken. I really didn't even think that the message would really have 'anything to do with me' but knew I needed to listen anyways. Well I was wrong, boy was I wrong. It was like this message was made just for me. I sat there listening to the words that the pastor was saying and I was thinking to my self..."Self, did God know you were coming to church today, because it sounds like this message was written for you." The message for yesterday was HOPE. The pastor went onto say that even if a person is facing the most difficult situation in their life, they will eventually be ok if they choose to let God into their life, in turn allowing HOPE to enter as well. Now keep in mind I have NEVER EVER considered myself to be a religious person by any means. I don't even own a Bible. However the words that the pastor was saying made since to me. His words were really hitting close to home. I'm not sure if what I got out of his message was the 'correct' thing or not and maybe another person go something totally different out of what the pastor was saying. All I know is that his words were really starting to make me think. While listening to the rest of his message I actually started to get tears welling in my eyes. I quickly made the tears go away...I don't cry in front of very many people, especially in a huge church were I know only 3 people.
Then during another point in the sermon the pastor asked everyone to close their eyes. He asked those who have already let God into their life to raise their hands. You heard a ton of hands raise up. Then he asked for those who was just letting God into their life today to raise their hand. You couldn't hear them, but I think there were two. I didn't raise my hand either time, because I wasn't sure how to respond to the question, I didn't know what group I fell into, so I kept my hand down. I'm still not sure what group I belong in.
Then the for the end of the message the pastor was reiterating what the message was. If you let God into your life, then God will allow your life to be filled with hope, even when you as a person feels like there is none. I'm totally shocked at when happened next. As I was listening I started to get those damn tears well up again. I tried to make them stop, but I just couldn't. I was really listening to the words and the tears were just streaming down my face. The next think I know Sarah was hugging me, I think Collette's hand was on my back. Sarah asked me if I wanted to go up front with some of the others to be prayed for. I told her I didn't think so, but she took my hand and went up there. Sarah prayed for me, soon Marni and Collette were up there praying for me as well. I was in total SHOCK of not only my reaction but that three people that I just met a few weeks ago were praying for me and were there for me during this moment.
It has been a whole day now, and I'm still trying to grasp what happened to me yesterday. Is it normal for people to cry at church? Because I tell you from my gut, that I never would have thought I would have ever reacted to a church service like I did. This was all so knew and different for me, but yet at the same time felt 'right'. I really felt like I was there for a reason. I have lots and lots of questions. So many questions I can't really form a single one, but I'm guessing that will come with time. I've decided that if Sarah, Marni and Collette want me to continue going to church with them than I will.
Well there you have it a up front and honest look at what happened to me yesterday with my first time in Church in and extremely long time.
Thank you Sarah! Thank you Marni! Thank you Collette! You guys were great!
50 comments:
Well, our sweet new friend! Collette, Marni, and I are THRILLED that you were there yesterday and we will be honored to have you come back with us!
Thursday morning . . . on our 'shipping day,' ( I have TONS of new Christmas in Heaven orders \o/!!!!!) we are going to have a brand-spanking-new bible just for you . . . our gift for your questioning heart!
God is doing an incredible work in your life . . . and we are excited to be a part of it!
We love you SO much!
Collette, Marni, and Sarah
My nana passed away in September 2006. In June of 2007 I lost my aunt and my grandfather. While I went to church every Sunday growing up, when I moved away from home I stopped going (except for holidays). Since those losses I have started attending mass more frequently. Right after their passing, I would cry at mass. Still, every time I go, I get teary eyed.
My nana was a very religious woman, she believed in the power of prayer, and I believed in the power of her prayers. Going to mass reminds me of her especially, and of the other loved ones I have lost. The loss feels fresh and I feel close to them.
I don't think it's unusual to get emotional at church. I also don't think there is anything wrong with it. Most people will respect that religion provides an avenue for comfort and reflection. When I see others in church that are crying- I make a point to pray for them.
I'm pretty sure there were a lot more than 3 people praying for you at that service.
I used to go to church, just to cry. It always seemed like a safe place to just feel - and so I would, and I would cry.
It was the start of my relationship with God.
Welcome my dear. Welcome.
well and here I was trying to email you and let you know I'd love to send you a bible. Seems like your new best friends have you covered!
So glad you had this experience. I am pretty new to organized christianity myself, but I find that I have learned more about myself in the last 8 yrs since I started going to church and allowed God into my heart than in my whole life until then. Talk about stretching your character!!!
My second best decision was to join a bible study(for all those questions) and a Sunday school class(for support, fellowship, and encouragement). You won't regret it.
Oh Jen, God is so totally cool like that. He just knows what we need to hear...it's one of the things that I love about Him. (I still get frustrated at those dad-blasted tears though. I hate crying in church too. Still happens though.) I've been praying for you this weekend and will continue to do so. I know it's confusing sometimes. My advice is to keep asking questions. He doesn't mind. He loves you and wants you to come to know Him as well as He knows you.
blessings,
karen
I'm crying for you right now!!
I hadn't ever cried at church, either, until I experienced loss. My loss was my first marriage. I found myself crying a lot at church. It seemed like the only place where I didn't have to be strong for everyone else, or look like I was "fine." It was my safe place, where finally someone ELSE was taking care of me - GOD! And my tears were sadness and joy and fear and hope and sorrow and peace just all rolled up together in a big crying mess.
I clung to a scripture that my sister gave me:
Do not be afraid--you will not be disgraced again; you will not be humiliated. You will forget your unfaithfulness as a young wife, and your desperate loneliness as a widow. Your Creator will be like a husband to you--the Lord Almighty is his name" Isaiah 54:4-6
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah%2054%20;&version=31;
God has not forsaken you, I promise!! Years later, I am amazed at how God has blessed my life like I never could have imagined.
Soon - you may not just want to GO to church. You - like your sweet friend Sarah - will want to BE the church to others who are hurting.
Still praying for you, sweet Jenny. Thanks for updating!!
I am sitting here reading this post and crying for you..)and for me also). I am a HUGE friend person and my parents have both passed away in the last year (within 10 months of each other) and friends are what has gotten me past this! You day sounds amazing and I need one like that also!!!
Hugs
I too can't stand to cry in public, but it seems every Wednesday night at church, everything fades away and I cry like crazy. I tell myself that it's Gods way of helping me let some of my defenses down. I am so glad that you have a group of friends to go to church with! I hope that you don't mind I have started following your blog and have started praying for you daily.
Unlike all the other bloggers, I have not had that kind of experience. I was taken to church regularly as a child, but stopped when it was my choice. I just never felt "at home" there. The last regular service (other than holidays, weddings and funerals) that I went to was the Sunday after 9-11. It was also my bday. I went alone to a church I'd never been to. I guess I was just looking for peace and hope during that very uncertain time. I feel guilty that our daughter isn't involved in a church. Maybe someday it will happen for me like it has for you.
Good luck, and I hope you find the peace you're looking for.
It is totally normal to cry at church. A lot of times it may just be a release/response of what God is doing inside of us. It is healing. I'm excited about your journey to hope! The Bible says that if we search for Him, we will find Him!
It is very OK and normal to cry in church. Sometimes God speaks such a powerful message through the pastor that it touches us to the core!
Also, what you may have been feeling was the power of the Holy Spirit. Not to scare you or anything, but I often times feel goose bumps or "chills" run through me when the Spirit is moving. Don't fight it. Allow it to move over you.
When you feel it is right, you will raise your hand to accept Jesus as your savior. Don't feel pressured to do it until you know in your heart that it's what you want to do.
In the meantime, just keep an open mind and heart to the experience.
Jen,
I am so glad your experience was great. I will tell you what, I went to church my whole life, but never was excited to go. Always out of obligation. When crisis hit my life, everything fell apart, except spiritually, everything fell into place. I found an awesome church where I can grow and I cry at least once every service. It is an indescribable feeling...just awesome. God bless!
Hi Jen,
I have been following your blog now for awhile and I'm squealing with delight at how God is working in your life right now!
I sat in church by myself and cried every Sunday for 6 months straight during a particularly rough time in my life. I too felt that the pastor was speaking directly to me- and yet how could he know what I was going through? It was during these 6 months that I learned the most about myself and grew the most in my walk with the Lord. It was so hard to go through and wasn't always easy, but in the end I'm glad I waited it out! God had plans for me, He was just waiting for me to be ready.
I'll continue praying for you Jen!
It's definitely ok and normal if you cry at church. When God speaks to your heart and everything you're hearing hits so close to home, sometimes that's all you can do! You have some wonderful friends to support you, and I'm very happy to hear about your day. I encourage you to continue to be open to hear God speak to you. You're also right that someone could've heard the same sermon and taken it a completely different way. That's ok. It doesn't make anyone wrong. God speaks to us in the way that we need, the way that we will listen.
Continue to cry out to God. You'll never regret it. I grew up in church but strayed as a young teen. I lived the party life and ended up in a bad relationship and pregnant at 18. I had to tell my dad...he didn't even know I was dating anyone, let alone that they were too old for me. I wrote him a long letter and mailed it to him. I couldn't tell him in person. He called me that night, told me he loved me, and took me to church. Through the grace of God and my Dad's support, I got out of that horrible relationship and reunited with my God. It was a tough time, and although very different from what you're facing, one thing is the same--God is there for you and wants you to fall into Him. He'll carry you through. ((Big Hugs))
Isn't awesome how the songs and the sermon are exactly what we need. It doesn't happen every time for me, but when I'm really going through something, it never fails to happen. Crying at church...I hate doing it too. I'm not big on crying in front of anybody really. But, sometimes it's hard to hold back.
I am so thankful that God has placed these wonderful women in your life to help you. I'm so glad you had a positive experience at church and plan on going back. Continue to keep us updated, as you find the answers to your questions.
Jen,
I cry in church ALL the time. I think it's quite acceptable, too. :) I have known the Hope you speak of for many years now, however, my hubby does not... and he does not always attend church with me. So, sometimes when I am sitting "alone" (not really alone, but without my husband there) I cry because I think of him and my kids and I want them to know that Hope as well.
And I do pray that you find Hope as well.
Your post brought me to tears. And I only know you through your blog. I can tell you that I love you based on what I know of you from your blog, but if I, knowing so little of you, can say that and be moved to tears by your experience, I can only imagine how moved God was, because He loves you completely and perfectly. I bet He was thrilled to see you in His house with your friends. And I believe He used your friends' open hearts to minister to you, to show Himself of His deep love for you.
I'm praying for you, Jen! :) Keep posting anything you feel comfortable posting. This is your blog, after all! You won't scare us away! :)
Hugs!
~Susan
Never be afraid to post your questions and feelings on your blog!
Yes, people cry at church. I cry when a message hits me hard. It's like God is speaking straight to me and I cry knowing that he cares enough to talk right to me.
I'm so glad that you're going to church and that your opening yourself to God's speaking to you. He will carry you through so much.
I just wanted to say I've been reading your blog for a few days now, and I was so excited to hear that you'd gone to church. I can't imagine what it's like for you, and I've been praying for God to give you peace since I started reading you. I hope that you will continue to go.
Krystal
I think that's a perfectly appropriate reaction to what the pastor was saying. Back before I got pregnant the Rabbi at my synagogue was telling a story about a couple who was childless for 10 years. I sat in a room FULL of people I knew and sobbed. I just hoped no one thought I was unhappy with my husband...I was so moved by the story and couldn't help but let the tears flow.
I have been reading your blog for a short time and I have never left a comment, but tonight I just cant resist. I am so excited that you are allowing God into your heart during this difficult time in your life. I am not a huge reader, but I have to recommend a book called The Shack to you (someone may have already mentioned this book to you). The book is about a man dealing with tragedy in his life and his relationship with God.. It is an awesome book and the author said that he wrote it for his grown children because he was hoping that they could get what it has taken him all of his life to learn..
I pray that God will fill you with Peace during the holiday season!!
God completely prepared that day for you. He knew you would come on this day, and He knew what message you needed to hear!
I'm so happy you went and were so open and willing to hear what God was saying to you through the pastor.
May you continue to be blessed and may this be only the beginning of what great things God has in store for you!!
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10
Blessings,
Hilary
sounds a lot like the church i attend. i'm SO SO SO glad that you enjoyed it. and yes, i have cried in church more than once. i'm very happy that you have found such great friends!! hope you're week is going well.
Jen- i cant even remember how i even found your blog but now i read it daily. My heart aches for you but i love to hear about how much you loved shawn and about your life together. I too am not a religous person and seem to only pray in times of great need. I just cant seem to "get" how all of a sudden you just "know" that god is right in your life. Still waiting for my revalation but still hoping that you have found yours.You are a beautiful caring woman and i just feel that these new friends of yours will help you get through this difficult time, not that it will be any easier for you but that you will have strong friends a maybe a new relationship with god to help you get through. Maybe some day it will be my time too!
Jenny,
Thank you so much for writing about your church experience! I am amazed how the Lord is using you in so many ways, through your story and through this very blog. I can see how the Lord is using it in my own life and for that I Thank you!
Like others have mentioned yes, crying is very normal in church! I believe it's the Holy Spirit moving in you. I also see crying as cleansing! You just feel so alive and real after moments like that! I can't even begin to count the number of times I've cried at church!
I am so thankful for your wonderful friends and Praise God for them! I will continue to pray for you as seek your answers! God is using you and a mighty way, Jenny! Thank you for letting me apart of it through this blog!!
Love,
Jen
Jen-
How awesome for you to have had a good experience at church! I used to cry almost every Sunday at church during a really rough time in my life. It was during that time that the pastor always seemed to be preaching on a topic that was hand picked especially for me. I believe God will place you in a spot to hear what you need to hear when you need to hear it. It happens to me all the time!
I still cry at church sometimes, although now it's more when I let the music fill my heart and I am reminded of what an awesome God I serve, and just how blessed I really am.
I saw that someone recommended the book "The Shack". While I'm sure it's an interesting book, I would be very wary of anything that strays from the Bible, especially during a time when you are particularly suceptible to being led astray. Surround yourself with good Bible believing, teaching, and practicing people if you truly want to seek a relationship with God. "The Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel might be a good book for you to check out, too.
Still praying for you, and totally loving that you are at least giving God a chance to work in your life!
Jen, I am so glad that you went to church and hope you decide to continue. About a year ago i changed churches and my first Sunday at my new church sounds alot like your experience yesterday. It felt like Pastor wrote that sermon just for me and continues to be like that! The first time i went to the alter i cried and do so every Sunday. It feels like its my time to really thank and praise God for everything he does in my life daily. WE serve an AWESOME GOD!
Thank you for sharing your experience!
God Bless,
Andrea
It is TOTALLY normal to cry in church, at least that is what I tell myself. There are not many songs or prayers that happen in our service that don't bring me strong emotions and usually tears. It is God's will that you are there and He totally prepares the sermon for what you need. The best part of it all is that the same sermon can reach everyone at exactly where they are in their lives. I loved your honesty in this post and I am so happy for you that you had an "experience" and not just a trip to church. I have prayed for you since the first time I checked out your blog and I will continue to. The power of prayer is amazing!! Take this journey one day at a time and ENJOY it! I am so happy for you!
I attend church every Sunday. Tears come at the most random time there! A song, the sermon, a verse. Share your burdens with Him. You will always find peace with the Lord even in the hardest times. I will be praying for your newest journey.
What great friends!! I am so glad that you have people who want to surround you not only with the love and support they can provide, but the love and support of the One who knows you best.
How awesome is it that we have a Heavenly Father, God, who CHASES after us and wants to be in a relationship with us despite our questions, doubt and short-comings? Speaking from experience, I am definitely grateful.
P.S. I really enjoy reading your blog. Thanks for being so honest all the time, even when it's difficult. All of your readers really appreciate it!!
I am going to try this again, I deleted my comment a minute ago because of a typo...
I cry in church a lot. I had shared your blog entry about questions with my best friend yesterday and we talked about it, I prayed for you several times asking God to keep pulling you closer to Him and little did I knwo He was ahead of me. I will share as briefly as possible that I use to be a wishy washy Christian-prayed in a crisis, prayed for myself and immediate family members when in a crisis, I can not ever remember Thanking God just asking asking asking. Well all of that changed 2/25/05 when I learned that my pregnacy was not going to have a happy ending, the child I wanted so desperately was not going to live. On 2/28/05 Baby James was born and lived for 52 minutes. I had a choice, leave that hospital empty handed and bitter or to celebrate what I learned in those 52 minutes. I vowed that when I handed Baby James to the funeral home director that someday Jesus would hand him back to me in heaven. The God that I had not given 100% of myself to got me thru my own personal hell. I am adding your name to a bookmark in my bible and I am going to pray everyday for you to find peace. I also picture Shawn in heaven "coaching" you thru this journey. I was going to offer to send you a bible, but I see that is already in the works. Please be good to yourself and enjoy that puppy. Our grief counselor suggested we get a puppy after Baby James' death for our daughter and that little puppy helped our grieving house so much!
i went through some really tough times last year and we lost my father back in january, ever since, every time i have gone to church i have teared up...some times more than teared up and flat out bawled my eyes out...i honestly believe that it's the power of His love....
Hello my friend,
I am so glad you posted about your experience. It sounds like you had a wonderful time at church. The church you went to sounds like a wonderful place to be. I read that Sarah said you could wear jeans. My kind of church. I think when you go to church you should have support and it should be a warming and fun place to be. I also love all of the singing that goes on. It is totally okay to cry in church. I think this means you are really getting the message and letting things go.
When I lived in Houston I went to church with my best friend. I was having a hard time in my life and I went to church with her. Boy did the tears roll as everything he was saying felt right and that he was talking to me.
I am so proud of you and think you are a wonderful and strong woman. I am also glad you have hooked up with some nice ladies who have helped you and become your friend. We all need that.
Way to go!!!
I am also glad to call you a friend of mine. I always smile as I read about you. Plus you come by and read my poor little blog.
Thanks Jen..
That's God, He is there when you need Him most. Sounds like He has placed some great friends into your life. Everyone hears the message God wants them to hear at church and they are not always the same. Don't go back because your friends want you to, go back because God wants you to He loves you and I know you are feeling that. Your story is so real and it isn't a story it is your life, I will continue to pray for you on your journey. Thank you for sharing.
May God bless you and keep you as your heart is drawn to Him.
I was so glad to read your post this morning. You are in my prayers!
And just so you know - I get emotional at church frequently. :)
Wow, Jen. I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am about this, and the letter from Sarah earlier. Thank God for her!!! When you first wrote about being worried about Shawn being alone and scared without you, I was saddened because that’s one of the great things about God’s design – we don’t have to worry about that! He’s there in both life and death. I’ve been praying for you and I’m so glad to hear that something so wonderful is coming out of something so incredibly horrible. There IS hope!!!
I am so thrilled that you had this touching of an experience at Sarah's Church! It's perfectly ok to cry out to the Lord God Almighty, in His house. I believe God used this preacher to speak to you. He knows the desires of our hearts. When ours hearts are moved and everything you hear hits so close to home, sometimes the tears just start to fall. It is healing. I'm so excited about your journey to finding hope and your new relationship with the Lord! Prayers & Blessings
Going back to church for the first time was so difficult for me, too. I acutally only made it through about five mintes - so you are obviously finding some crazy strength.
Well - done. You are right. Letting God back in goes a long way toward finding some hope.
God has been waiting for you! I am so excited for you. It sounds like the holy spirt is working on and in you. I wish you well on your new journey to answer your questions, and just remeber God doesn't get offended with the realy tuff questions (He is big enough).
I don't think I've ever commented before, but I wanted to say you are incredibly strong to share your journey and experiences on here. I think you are going to see God do something so amazing in your life, something you never could have imagined after all the pain and heartache in your life. I am praying for you as you search and seek after God -- He really is the only way to true happiness and peace.
I am just a lurker to your blog. I think what happened at church with you is amazing. At church sometimes, I feel like it is the place where I can just cry and let my heart be empty. I also feel like I dont have to say a word and that God just knows what is going on. It is very much ok to cry at church. It is also wonderful that 3 people you just met not to long ago would pray for you. I told my mom about you and your situation and she is a huge prayer person. She has added you to her list as well as mine. Just because you do not feel or claim to be religious does not mean you cannot feel loved by God and others!! You have every reason to let your feelings go and cry!!! I admire your motivation and willingness to go on.
Just remember this....If god brings you to it, he will bring you through it!!! God does remarkable things in this world!!!! Let go and let God!!
I am sat here with tears in my eyes after reading this. Don't worry about crying in church!! I think I do most of my crying there. It's very 'safe' & when God starts working it's very emotional. God can reach parts of your heart that nothing else can!!
Glad it was a positive experience for you!!
It's so exciting seeing God working in your life & I will keep praying for you.
E x
I'm a pastor's wife and I cry ALL THE TIME in church. Because church isn't just about being with people who care (although that is wonderful) but it's about just being with Jesus, who knows you inside and out and loves you. And that's why the tears just seem to come for me. I want you to know that I will pray for you and though we've never met, I am here if you want someone to talk to. I've been reading your story for several months now and I'm so excited for the new hope you are finding! :)
I often cry at church - I am vulnerable there and my heart is so open to seek out meaning for ME.
It sounds like you heard what you were meant to hear!!
I was thinking of you on Sunday morning! While I was in church, I said a prayer for you!
I think what you felt was the holy spirit! I feel it all the time...it a wonderful feeling!
I have cried many times in church. Right after my Mom passed away, I would cry every time I was in church. Sometimes you are just "moved" in a certain way!
I got goosebumps when you said what the message was. I KNOW that God is going to do amazing things for and with you! I feel blessed to come along with you on your amazing journey!
Love,
Jen
Jen,
I am so happy for you. I was raised in church all my life but not until the death of my daddy almost 10years ago, did I understand what you are saying. My mother all of the suddened just STOPPED. I couldn't understand, almost angry at her (being honest here) I kept saying Mom you know God is there for you He will comfort you...but until Mama was ready she didn't go. She prayed, read her bible and 'knew' she needed that fellowship of brothers and sisters in Christ to lean on but until you walk in those shoes it's easy for us to stand in judgement. I am proud of you that you took that step. I love you and don't even know you!!
I am excited to know that you went to church on Sunday. I have been praying for you since I found out about you, Shawn and the baby. I am also praying that you will find the real meaning of life and that God will show you who you are and who HE wants you to be!
Praying for you in Christ's name,
Karen
I have just been reading your blog, and am impressed by your story and your words. I am so sorry for you loss. I can't even imagine.
And as for your question of tears in church, I believe you have been touched by the light of Christ, testifying to you of the truths you heard, touching your heart. Its normal and ok to cry. Though I too don't like crying in front of others.
Thanks for sharing that!
Jen,
I've been reading your blog ever since you started it. I can't remember how I got here but I know I was first intrigued because you were from Y'town. I also live in OH but in the SE section.
The reason I am so late in commenting (perhaps this is also my first comment, I don't know)is that on Dec. 3rd my 10 wk. old granson passed away. At my home. Under my care while my son and his wife were at work.
In my head I know there was nothing I did to cause this and nothing I could do to prevent it but my heart has not caught up and I'm drowning in guilt and a terrible sense of responsibility.
Christmas here was so hard. I have two granddaughters, ages 4 (sister to the baby) and the other is 17 mos. We had to do Christmas because of them, otherwise I would've stayed in bed! We made it through and having the girls here really made the day bearable, even though it started with my husband and I going to the cemetery. It wasn't suppose to be this way.
I am not the most religious person in the world. I'm much older than you (50 in Oct) but like you I had not been to church on a Sunday in YRS. Probably more than 25.
Because of a different situation my husband and I began going to church in May of this year. We both felt completely drawn to it. Felt the need to be in church like a physical pull. We'd never really discussed religion during our 27 yrs. together. He was raised Catholic, me a Methodist. This one Saturday night I was thinking of telling him I wanted to go to church the next day. I was trying to find the words when he looked over at me and said "Can we go to church in the morning?" We talked about how we both felt a need to be in church, to get closer to God. So we went and we've been every Sunday since.
I am so thankful I have this church to turn to at this time in my life. I am devastated and don't know how to deal with all I feel. I'm doing my best to turn it all over to God. I'm a control freak by nature and this is something I have great difficulty with. Dealing with things I have no control over. So I am majorly struggling right now.
The last 3 Sundays I have sat in church and cried and cried and cried. Every homily (message)speaks directly to my heart. Every Sunday I feel at complete peace when I'm in church. However when I leave I lose that sense of peace and I think it is because I can't quite find it in my to turn my life completely over to God. I feel very much like you do.
So here's hoping that we both find our way toward complete inner peace and rewarding relationship with God.
Hugs to you. I'll be reading always.
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