My New Bracelet and A Thought About Love...

My mind has been going non stop since the moment I have woke up today. I have lots of thoughts running through my head right now lots and lots. However the Country Music Awards are on and I would like to go brain dead for a while. It seems the only way I can stop thinking these days is to watch some mindless TV. So expect some 'big' posts over the next few days.

For now I would like to share my newest piece of jewelry with you. I have been thinking of getting a Pandora bracelet for quite some time. However, I thought they were a little out of my price range. Then one day I stopped into one of our local shops that I knew sold Pandora jewelry. I stopped in just to look and see what they had. Guess what....they were having a sale and if you spent $100 in beads then you got the bracelet for FREE!!! You all know how I like a good sale. Keep in mind the bracelet wasn't all that expensive at around $50, the expensive part comes in the form of the beads. Either way I got the bracelet for free so I didn't think it was all that bad of a deal. I started looking around at their selection of beads and was shocked at the assortment that they had. When I first started looking I wasn't really sure what beads I wanted to put on my bracelet. I knew I wanted it to have meaning and something to do with Shawn, but wasn't totally sure what I wanted. Then I saw the football beads and it came to me. Although simple in design I decided to get Shawn's initials and place them between the two footballs with two very simple stopper beads placed at the end. I'm also thinking of getting something on it to represent our baby. Since I have been wearing I have had one person ask me the meaning behind it. When I told her what it was for she got tears in her eyes and told me I was too young to be going through all of this heartache and that life just isn't fair all the time. I was having a crabby moment and all I wanted to say to her is "Yeah ya think?" However, I kept the snide comment to myself while looking at the lady and telling her that I'm doing my best and am taking things one day at a time. Next to the one football I placed a charm that my Mom got me this year for Christmas.

I'm not quite sure I fully believe the saying on the charm but none the less I was drawn to it for some reason so my Mom got it for me. I would like to think that the saying is true but I just don't know. I really really would like to believe that when the time comes for me to fall in love again my heart will be healed and that my heart will no longer feel like it is shattered into a million little pieces. I hope and pray that the love of a new wonderful man will heal my heart. However, I often wonder when or if I do fall in love again if my heart will be totally healed and put back together. I know time is the only way to find this out and this will most likely happen when I least expect it. However, I just can't help but think that whatever happens and no matter how much I love that other person and he loves me that a piece of my heart will always remain broken. That would be the piece of my heart that was meant only for Shawn and the piece that was meant for our life that we were supposed to get to live together until we were both old and gray. This isn't too say that I don't want to fall in love again, because I do. I want to share the love that I have with another person and I do truly want to be happy again. At the same time it just makes me wonder if my heart will ever stop hurting for Shawn. I've been told that as time goes on the pain does go away. I've also been told that when real love is found again the pain I'm feeling now will lessen. I'm also reminded of what Sarah told me several months ago and that is this..."You will never stop loving Shawn and your heart will always ache for him. However, you will love again one day. It is like a mother who has one child that she loves more than anything. When the time comes for her to have her second baby she wonders how she will ever love her second child like she does her first. A mother's heart grows bigger for every child that she has. That my friend is what will happen to you...You will always love Shawn and he will always be in your heart. When the time does come for you to fall in love again, your heart will just grow some more, never leaving Shawn or his love behind." I remember when Sarah told me that we were sitting in Starbucks and the tears were rolling down both of our faces. So for now when I look at the charm I remember the love that I have and will always have for Shawn, but also start to look forward to the future and what is yet to come for me.