The Post About....Dating

Are you all excited for this post? The post where I talk about dating. Don't get too excited just yet, there haven't been any actual I dates, it's just going to be a post where I talk about dating.



I'm finding it really funny that now at 14 months since Shawn's death people are asking me if I have gone out on dates, or if I'm ready to start dating. I mean seriously everyone is asking me this. I got my nails done the other day and a few of the girls in the salon asked me. I took Bo outside the other day and our neighbor asked me (more on this one in a bit). One of the trainers at the gym asked me if I was "ready to get back out there"? My friends here are bound and determined to "hook" me up with just the right guy. Hell, I saw my friends' mom yesterday in the parking lot of the gym and even she said she was hoping there would be a good selection of single guys for me to pick from at this weekend's Halloween party. Everyone is telling me that I'm so pretty, yadda, yadda, yadda and have so much to offer that the guys will be lined up around my block. Uhm, I guarantee that is NOT happening, NOT even close to it! I'm telling you it's almost like people were waiting for the "politically correct one year" to be up so they could start setting me up. I think it's all kind of funny, but at the same I kind of like it because I really don't know too many people here, I'm totally new to the entire thought process of dating and you know what?...At 14 months later, I do feel like I'm ready to start dating again.



When I tell you I'm knew to the whole dating thing, I really mean it. I wasn't the girl in high school who had lots of boyfriends. Total opposite really. I didn't even go out with anybody until my Senior year. For about three months I dated Shawn's cousin. (Ok, this is a different story for a different time, but it was before I knew Shawn) Then, I briefly dated (when I say briefly I 'm talking like a month) the guy I went to prom with, but it was nothing serious at all and that was it. Two "boyfriends" my entire time in high school. I started dating Shawn in January 1996 halfway through my first year of college. We started out as "just friends", then progressed to dating, then boyfriend and girlfriend and about eight months after our first date we said "I love you" to each other. The rest is history. We dated for two years, were engaged for two years, and married for almost eight. Shawn was it, I knew deep down after only our second date that we were going to end up together.



I never in a million years thought at a week shy 32 years old I would have to worry about dating ever again. I don't know if I really even know how to date? Do you think it is something that I can pick up again? Is it like riding a bike, and you never really forget, but it will just take a little practice? I really am excited to "get back out there" and to start dating, but at the same time it is kind of nerve wracking as well. I hate to say it, but I'm kind of a picky person. I know what I want, and well, that's what I want. I'm not into playing games with somebody. I don't want to string along anybody, and I sure as hell don't want to be strung along either. That is what scares me about dating again. What if I meet somebody and we hit it off, things are going great and then all of a sudden something goes wrong and we both have our feelings invested in the relationship and one of us gets hurt. I don't want to be hurt somebody and I don't want to be hurt either. I keep telling myself that if that happens it just wasn't meant to be anyways. I tell myself that I dealt (and am dealing) with the pain of losing Shawn, and well I don't think anything could ever be as bad as that...ever. So, I'm sure I would get through a breakup, but at the same time it's a scary thought.

I also wonder about the pasts that people have. When I met Shawn we were young, neither of us had any previous relationships or anything. We knew each other if you know what I mean. Now, I'm so much older. At first I wasn't interested in dating a person who had been married before or who had kids. I didn't want to date somebody with "baggage", then I started thinking and I changed my mind. I have "baggage" myself now. My husband died, and then I miscarried our child. I could imagine that could be very intimidating for a guy on the other end. What I have come to realize is yes, I'm 32 years old. Guys my age that I want to date will probably more than likely have some sort of past. Just like I have. I want my future partner to be understanding to that, and I need to be understanding to their past as well. I just have to put my trust and faith in that as I get to know them more we can work through our pasts together.

I know who ever I date in the future will never be like Shawn. Nobody will ever be like Shawn. To be honest with you that is ok with me. I think it would be really odd to date a person who was "just like" him. However, what made me realize that I was ready to date again is the amazing relationship that Shawn and I had. Again, I know no other relationship will be like my relationship and marriage with Shawn. We had a great and very special relationship, full of love,respect, and honor for each other. The love, respect, and honor we had for each other is what made me realize that I'm ready to date. I want to be able to share those feelings and emotions with another man. Although it will be different I want to be able to have that again some day. I've realized that I want to have that again in my life, even if it is with another man. I think I'm also ready because I fully know and understand now that Shawn will ALWAYS be with me, nobody will ever replace Shawn in my heart or in my life. A part of my heart and life will always belong to Shawn. I also think I've come to understand and feel that Shawn himself would want me to be happy and he would want me to share those feelings with somebody as well. I would also like to think that in some way Shawn will have a hand in picking out a new man for me to fall in love with, someone that he would "approve" of for me.



So with all of that being said, I really do feel like I'm ready to start dating again. I hope and pray that I won't have to date forever. I would really love to go out on a date, really like the guy, spend time with him and end up having him be the "one". Hahaha...think that it will happen? Probably not, but I can hope can't I? That is how it happened with Sarah. Who knows I guess time will tell.

Oh yeah I forgot to tell you about my neighbor. So the other day I was outside with Bo when my neighbor came up and started talking to me. We talk all the time when the dogs are outside so it was no big deal. Then he started asking me how I was doing. I told him I was doing well and was really starting to spend more time with my friends and that I had started going out again. He then asked if I had dated at all. I told him a little about "T" and the blind date I went on at the end of the summer. I told him, that yes, I've started dating and realized I want to, but that there wasn't much activity yet. He then started telling me about the guy who lives a crossed the street and up the lane from me. I've seen and talked to this guy on and off throughout the summer, but not in long conversation, just kind of chit chat here and there. Well, apparently this guy has been asking my neighbor about me. My neighbor said that he seems interested in me and was wondering where I was at last week when I was in Ohio. My neighbor then told me some stuff about this guy, and sounds like he would be nice to hang out with and get to know. At the end of our conversation he asked if it was alright to give the guy up the lane my number. I checked with my neighbor to make sure he wasn't psycho or anything like that. My neighbor smiled and said, "Would I give your number to some guy who was psycho?" So, with that I gave him my number and he passed it along to the guy up the lane. Guess we shall see what happens with that.

So there you have it, my thoughts on dating. I guess I'm officially entering the dating world.(EEEKKKK!!!!) However, I know when the time, the situation, and the guy is right it will happen. I also know that it won't happen until all those things are lined up, so for now I wait and see.