A Close Family Friend Has Passed Away

On a Saturday night last August while I was sitting in an ER with Shawn my mom and sister were sitting in an ER here, with our 85 year old neighbor Ruth. Ruth and her family have lived four houses down from my family for my entire life. Ruth and her husband Bill were friends of my Grandparents. Ruth and Bill watched and help take care of my Dad and Uncle when they were young. Their daughter Ann was my babysitter during my entire childhood and way back when I even watched one of Ann's little boys. Our families have been extremely close for the last 50 years.

Since that night last August Ruth has been in an assisted living home here in town. She has had good times and bad. She has felt great and has had other days where she didn't feel well at all. My parents and sister have gone out once a week, if not more to visit Ruth for the last year. I selfishly have only seen her once since I have been back home. I have never done well in a hospital/nursing home setting and last year going to see Ruth there was a lot for me to deal with after losing Shawn. See Ruth's husband, Bill, died many many years ago and both her children live out of state so my parents are kind of like her kids and have helped take care of her and her house over the years. Ruth has been like a Grandmother to myself, sister and brother. The last several weeks we knew her health was getting worse. Then last Thursday we got a call from Ann asking us to please go to the nursing home and stay with Ruth until she could get into town because they didn't know if she was going to make in through the night. Everyday since then either my mom, or dad has been with Ruth and her kids at the nursing home. There were several times over the weekend when they thought she would not take her next breath, but for what ever reason she did, she kept on fighting it. When my parents came home from seeing her last night they both said that they didn't think it would be too much longer.

This morning at a little after 2:00 a.m., Ann called my parents to tell them that Ruth had passed away. This morning when I was getting around to leave my Dad told me that Ruth passed away in the middle of the night. We were all expecting it so it's not like it was a big shock. When my Dad told me I was sad, but at the same time I was relieved. I was relieved for Ruth. For one thing she was no longer in pain. For another, she was finally able to see and be with Bill again after all those years apart and that made me feel so happy for her.

Maybe it's just what I have gone through with losing Shawn and the baby, but up until last week when Ruth took a turn for the worse I really never looked at death like that. For some reason the thought of death and dying has always scared me. I don't do well at funerals, at all, and the thought of death used to freak me out. However, last week when we got the call that Ruth was not doing well all I could think about was that more than likely in the next few days she was going to be able to see her husband again in Heaven and how great that must be. Somehow that made me feel much better. I am in no means ready to die and I know I have a lot of life left to live, but on the same hand I'm not really scared to die anymore either because I know that is when I will be with Shawn again and that gives me a feeling of peace. Ruth was a big part of my families life and she will be dearly missed, but now she is in a much better place.

Like I said Ruth and Bill were like Grandparents to my sister, brother and I. When I was young I had really long hair, I mean crazy long hair and I would go down to Ruth's house and I would sit on their living room floor and Ruth would put french braids in my hair. Ruth loved to bake and one of my favorite memories of Ruth and Bill's house was walking in when Ruth was baking bread, I remember the entire house would smell amazing. Ruth also helped me a lot with my homework when I was younger. Math was not my strong point (ok, it's still not) but I would go down to their house and Ruth would sit with me at the kitchen table and help me over and over again. Every time Ruth watched me she would read a book to me called, "Cindy Bakes A Funny Cake" it is a pop up book and used to be Ann's when she was young. Anyways, I remember sitting on Ruth's lap and asking her to read the book over and over again. I loved it when Ruth would read this to me. This summer when they were getting ready to sell the house I asked Ann if I could have that book. Now, "Cindy Bakes a Funny Cake" in on my bookshelf. I got it out and read it a little while ago, and it still smells like the smell of their house.

When we got the call last Thursday we didn't expect Ruth to make it through the night but she did. Everyone was kind of thinking that she was waiting for her kids to get into town. When they arrived everyone thought that Ruth would pass soon after that, but she didn't. For whatever reason she kept on fighting, even though she was in pain. Nobody really knew why she kept hanging on, and everyone kept telling her that it was ok for her to just close her eyes and go, but yet it took almost five days. During these five days I had this thought: "what makes it ok for an 85 year old elderly lady who had led and amazing and full life keep going and to keep fighting to live when everyone around her is telling her it's ok to go because of the pain she is in. Everyone thought she wanted to go, but just couldn't for some reason. Then on the other side of things you have a young 31 year old life like Shawn's with so much life left to live, that was taken so suddenly without any warning." I really don't know if that made any sense to any of you, however, I have been wondering this for the last few days. Then this afternoon it came to me, and you know what it's the same answer that I've come to before and that is this. It doesn't matter if Ruth was ready to die or not, or if Shawn was ready to die. In the end it's all up to God and the timing that God wants for our life events to happen in. We all just have to be here for the ride and trust and believe in that.

I will always remember Ruth and the memories that she shared with our family and one day if I have any children I will be sure to read "Cindy Bakes a Funny Cake" to them.