A Child's Perspective

Hey lookie here, three blog posts in one week. It must be some sort of blogging miracle. Actually, I'm just trying to be a better blogger and post more than three times a month.

I want to share with you a conversation that Ry's daughter,who will be eight in a few weeks and I had the other day. Here is a little background information first J. It was actually J.J's (that is what Ry's daughter wants me to call her on my blog) idea for me to re-due my blog. One day a few weeks ago she was looking at my old blog and saw my wedding picture up at the top. She asked me if I was married before and I told her I was. She asked if I had gotten divorced like her Mommy and Daddy. I told her no, and told her that Shawn had died because his heart was sick. That was really all the further the conversation went. Without skipping a beat J.J asked if she could help design my new blog look. With that the two of sat down and started looking at other blogs to get designs for my new blog look. The two of us looked at blogs for days until finally I found Jessica's blog and decided to go with her. However, J.J. gave me her input on colors for the new look. She also told me that she wanted my new blog to have a picture of the four of us.

The day Jessica finished my blog I called J.J into the living room for her to take a look. I'm happy to say she loved it and she told me she was very happy with the outcome of the makeover. I love the things that kids say. Anyways here is the main conversation I wanted to share with you.
As we were looking at the blog J.J was very happy that there was a picture of Ry and I and one of the four of us. Next, J.J saw the picture of Shawn and asked me why I still had that on my blog. I told her that Shawn would always be a big part of my life and just because he was in Heaven did not mean I don't think about him anymore. I told her that I loved Shawn and that I always would love him. Once again J.J asked me about what happened to Shawn and once again I told her that he passed away because his heart was sick. Well, she started reading the side bar on my blog and read that I was pregnant. She asked about why I don't have a baby. I told her that the baby was also sick and that the baby had died a few weeks after Shawn. She looked at me and had tears in her eyes and told me that she felt really sad for me because two really bad things happened to me. She then asked if after Shawn and the baby had died if I was lonely, because she said she would be lonely if someone she loved had died. I explained to J.J, that yes I was very lonely and that having Shawn and then our baby die was one of the hardest things that I have ever gone through in my life. I told her that after Shawn died I packed up the house I had with Shawn in Ohio and moved back to Michigan with Bethie and Dave (my parents)

J.J is a very smart and very inquisitive almost eight year old. She then asked me how long I lived with Bethie and Dave and was sad and lonely until I met her Daddy, her and her brother. I told J.J that I lived with my parents for a year and a half when I met Daddy and then just a few weeks after I met her and Lil Man (her brother) she asked if after I met them if I started being happy again. I told her that I will always miss Shawn and be sad that he is in Heaven, but I also told her that yes after I met her daddy, her and her brother I have been very happy and I'm so glad that I met them and that we are all a part of each others lives now. After I told J.J that she says and I will quote this part all out.
J.J-"Hey, JenJen you know what?"
Me-"What J.J?"
J.J-"I think it's a good thing that Shawn's heart was sick and that he is in Heaven now. I mean I know it's really sad for you, but I think, I mean I know it's a good thing, you know what I mean?"
Me-"No J.J, I'm not sure what you mean, can you explain it to me?"
J.J-"Well, just think about it. If Shawn was still alive you would never have met us. Since he died and you aren't married to him that means you got to meet Daddy, fall in love with Daddy and then meet us. So you see, because he died you got to have us as your family."
Me-"Well, J.J I guess in a way you are kind of right. If Shawn was still living I would never have met you guys. I guess even bad and sad things happen to people for a reason huh? You your brother, and your Daddy are the really good things that happened to me after Shawn died. But I want you to know that even thought I love you guys I will always love Shawn too because he was a very special part of my life.
J.J-with tears in her eyes-"JenJen, I'm sorry a person you loved died, but I'm so happy about it because it means now that we get to be a family too."
Me-"J.J, I love you, I love your brother and I love Daddy. Thank you for having me be part of your family."

Insert big lump into my throat here. One lump for missing Shawn, for what was and one lump because I'm now once again so happy, so grateful to have four amazing people in my life now, be part of a family once again and for what is yet to come.

Interesting the perspective a child has on things isn't it?