Meet My New Friend

This weekend I had the opportunity to meet a great person and I think the two of us are going to become very good friends. I would like to tell you a little about her. For now I'm not going to use her name, I'm just going to refer to her as "L"

Last summer while my family was on vacation in Traverse City my brother, Matt had gotten a phone call from one of his friends saying that another friend of theirs "L" had lost her fiancee in a horrible motorcycle accident a few weeks earlier. Matt told us about the accident and I remember thinking how horrible it must be for her to lose her fiance just nine weeks before they were to get married. I didn't know this girl but I knew she was fairly young and I remember feeling really sad for her. Later that night as Shawn and I were falling asleep I even told him I can't begin to imagine the pain that this girl must be going through. Then, just one month later Shawn died and all of a sudden I knew the horrible feeling of losing the love of your life. I was experiencing the same pain as my brother's friend. Several months went buy and then some time after Christmas my brother told me that he had heard that "L" was having a difficult time so he decided to again tell me about "L" and he also gave "L" the address to my blog and my email. My brother told me to expect an email or something from her. A few months went by and I never heard anything from her. At that time I was just beginning to pick myself up and wasn't sure how much support I would be to someone, so I really didn't do much follow through on my part. Then one day in March I received an email from "L". She told me that she was sorry about my loss, then went on to tell me what had happened to her fiancee. We then starting communicating with each other through email. Emails led to Facebook and Facebook lead to phone calls and texting. On Facebook and through texting we began leaving short little messages of support for each other. Earlier this winter "L" sent me a book about grief "Life After Loss" in a letter she told me that this book has given her some comfort and healing in her grieving process. This weekend I too gave her something that has helped me in my grieving, and that is Sarah's new CD. Sometime last month we tried to set up a time for the two of us to meet but just couldn't work out a time that worked. We only live about two hours away, but it was still a bit difficult. However, earlier this week I invited "L" to come to my house yesterday and today because I was going to be home alone much of the time and I thought it would be a good time for us to connect.


She accepted and spent all of last night and this morning with me. "L" arrived at my house around 6:00 last night. She walked into my house and I instantly thought she was just so cute. We decided to go out for dinner and we hit it off instantly. Although we had been communicating for a few months we had never really "talked". We started talking and I don't think that we stopped until around 2:00 in the morning. We went to sleep, woke up this morning and talked again until the time she left this afternoon. It was great spending time with another 'young' widow who knew exactly what I was talking about and the feelings that I have.

"L" asked me about Shawn first so I told her our story and then I told her about Shawn's death and about the baby. Then she shared her story with me. Her bridal shower was on Saturday June 14, and her fiancee died the very next day in a motorcycle accident just two miles from what was going to be their home. "L" was 24 and her fiancee was 30 and they were together for 3 years but she never got the chance to be his wife. He died just nine weeks before they were to get married. Their wedding was supposed to be on August 23, just five days after Shawn died. As the two of us shared our stories we realized that we also had a lot in common with each other. They are small little things but still 'signs' none the less. We both got new Saturn Vue's, we both had the same pink razor phone and just recently we both got new cell phones and we happened to get the new LG Dare so the pictures we had on our old phones of our guys could be transferred. For Christmas we both got a piece of jewelry from our Mom's from the same jewelery designer. The flowers that my bridesmaids carried in my wedding were going to be the same that her bridesmaid's carried in her wedding...purple Hydrangeas. We both get anxious easily and up until our loves passed away we both hated to drive anywhere alone because it would stress us out. Strange little coincidence's but still weird little things that connected us together.


However the one thing that connects us more than anything is the fact that we are both way too young to be experiencing the type and magnitude of grief that goes along with losing your spouse. We knew exactly what each other was saying and we could almost finish each other's sentences because we both knew the same emotions. We talked about how people have responded to us and some of the stupid things people have said to us both since the deaths. We talked about significant dates and how we each have coped with those moments. We talked about our futures and how we both want to be happy again but at the same time it is hard to comprehend true happiness even though we both want it so badly. We talked about the end of the 'firsts' and about going into the second year and how incredibly scary that is. We talked about things we miss doing that we once used to love doing with our guys. We talked about not being able to grow old with the one person we both wanted to grow old with. Basically we just talked and talked. She talked about her Fiancee and her feelings, while I talked about Shawn and my feelings We talked so much that I actually kind of lost my voice for a while late last night. We were going to watch a movie but instead we just kept talking. We both thought it was so nice to talk to another person who can relate 100%, in a way it was even kind of refreshing. This morning after we had both woke up we shared memory books with each other. "L" showed me a book that she made after her fiancee died and I showed her my book that Jennie put together for me a few months after Shawn had died. Even though "L" is almost seven years younger than I am we still have so much in common and we also have one common thread tying us together and that is becoming a widow so early in life. We are both strong, we are both living with grief right now, but we are both going to survive it as well. We really enjoyed the time we spent with each other and I'm very sure we are always going to be friends and continue to be there for one another as we need it.

In just a few days on the 15th of this month "L" will be coming upon the one year mark of her Fiancees death. You all have said so many prayers and been a huge form of support for me I ask on this day that you all please keep "L" in your thoughts and prayers as she faces this most very difficult day.

"L" if you are reading this I'm so glad that we met each other, even if it had to be under the most horrible of circumstances. I'm glad the we can trust each other and be there for each other when we need it. I also look forward to the next time we meet and continuing to build our friendship.