Birthday Business

Good grief! I've attempted to write this post about four different times and each and every time I have been interrupted and never got a chance to go back and finish writing it. So, I decided to sit down tonight while watching the hockey game and try to finish it up, if not it's going to be totally out of date and I'm sure you all won't care because what I'm going to tell you about happened over a week ago.

Well, for those of you who don't know and aren't friends with me on Facebook last Tuesday was my 33rd birthday. It was my third birthday without Shawn and my first birthday with Ry. I don't know why but for some reason I was a little nervous about this. Well, maybe nervous isn't the right word, I guess rather I didn't know what to expect on this birthday. You see Shawn always made a big, big deal about my birthday. Ever since my first birthday with him he had these little traditions that he did every year for me. He just had a way of making it "special" with out really doing all that much. Obviously, the last two years that didn't happen but my family and friends did what they could to make up for it.

This year I just wasn't sure what to expect from Ry and I didn't want to compare what he would or would not do to what Shawn did. I have tried very, very hard not to compare the two of them.
Some people make a big deal out of birthdays and some just don't so I didn't want to put or rather get any expectations in my head. Well, Ry was the very first person to wish my a happy birthday. I actually had kind of forgotten it was my birthday and right around midnight the two of us were talking, he turned around, looked at the clock and then at 12:05 the told me happy birthday, told me he loved me and gave me a kiss. The next morning he also was the first person to tell me as well. As I was leaving work I sent Ry a text message asking if he had eaten lunch yet. I was starving and was going to go get something and take it to him at work. He texted me back and said that he had already had lunch and that he was really busy at work. Again he told me happy birthday, he loved me and he would see me later. With that I went home figuring I would just see him and the kids later. On my drive home Tina, Ry's sister called and the two of us were talking. I had a ton of stuff to carry into the house and I was on the phone the whole time just yapping away. I put my key in the door and pushed the door open. For some reason the door was stuck, I figured one of Bo's toys were behind it acting as a door stopper so I just pushed the door open a little harder, still while talking to Tina. I finally got the door opened, put my purse on the couch, said hi to Toby (the cat) then I turned around and got the ever living crap scared out of me!! Much to my surprise Ry was waiting behind the door for me!! I had NO idea he was there and when I finally saw him I screamed a rather uhm-bad word! Tina thought that there was a mouse in the house or something really bad with how I screamed.

After my heart rate returned back to normal Ry told me that he decided to take a half day off of work to surprise me and to spend the afternoon together. I was so stinking shocked and happy that he did that for me. So, before we picked his kids up from school the two of us went to a movie. We decided to see Jackass! For sure not the most romantic movie ever, oh who am I kidding there was NOTHING romantic about it but the two of us laughed so damn hard through the entire movie. Ry also got me a long sleeve UofM t-shirt, because he knew I didn't have one and a super cool Detroit Red Wing t-shirt as well! Ry didn't have time to take the kids shopping but he did pick out a super cool gift for them to give to me. They got me a UofM snuggie because I'm always so darn cold. I tell you what, when the snuggie's first came out I laughed so hard at them, but I swear to you they are the best things ever. I have curled up in mine every night on the couch.

Later that night Ry, the kids and I met my family, and his family at Applebee's for dinner. Yummy in my tummy!! I got so many new clothes for my job from our families and I have to say some super cute sweaters and leggings. I'm not so sure about those leggings yet but I figured I would give them a try. If you are curvy and 33 years old can you still wear leggings? After dinner Ry and I went out the rest of the night with several of our friends. We all had so much fun! I had a great birthday and it was for sure the best since Shawn has been gone. Even though he wasn't there I really could still feel him with me for my birthday.

I also got a birthday card from Shawn's parents and his Grandma. Since Shawn's death we have had our differences and really don't talk all that much. Maybe this is my fault, maybe it's there's, I really don't know. I'm glad they still consider me "family" and they thought about me on my birthday, but at the same hand it still is hard for me when they do "think" about me if that makes any sense at all. I called both of them and thanked them for the cards. I ended up getting into a long conversation with Shawn's Grandma, who I have always loved and gotten along with really well. We talked about Ry and she told me how happy she was that I had finally "moved on" Those words, "finally" and "moved on" just really bugged me. She said that she was happy that I had found someone and that she knew Shawn would not want me to be alone and unhappy the rest of my life. We talked about my new job and about a few other things. Then right before i got off the phone with her she told me she wanted to tell me something because she didn't want it to upset me should I ever go to her house. I asked her what it was and she told me. When you walk into her house there is one big wall. On the wall is every grandchild's senior picture, and once you get married it changes to your wedding picture. Well, she went on to tell me that last week she decided to take down our wedding picture and put up just Shawn's senior picture. I have no idea why, but that bothered me really, really bad. I don't even have our wedding picture up anymore, but I about broke into tears when she told me this. I know and I realize that I'm not married to him anymore, but at the same hand it's not like the two of us got a divorce. It just bugged me and I know she didn't mean any harm in it and didn't mean to hurt me. I guess this is why it's hard for me to be around and talk to Shawn's family, even though I'm happy and in a great new relationship with Ry, it's still just so hard to talk to and be around them. Too many memories I guess. I also told her that I would not be going to Thanksgiving or Christmas this year. She told me that they were trying to decide whether or not they should invite me or not this year. I told her thank you but that it was just to hard and that I need to start making new traditions with Ry, his family and my family. We ended our call by saying we loved each other and with me crying. Sometimes, it's just hard plain and simple.

I had a great birthday! Ry totally surprised me and made it a wonderful way and in a totally different way than Shawn did, which was good. Thank you to all of you who wished me happy birthday on Tuesday, it meant a lot to me!! The next birthday coming up is Ry's, this coming Wednesday. Yup, I'm a cougar by 8 days!! Then Shawn's 34 birthday would have been on November 21. Kinda funny that all of our birthday's are just a few weeks apart from each others. Or, maybe it was meant to me that way.