Adjusting Again

I really do love my new job, but I have to admit I'm kind of having a hard time adjusting to my new work schedule. I hate to admit it but I'm a creature of habit and I really don't like change all that much. In fact a big change like working for the first time in a little over two years I don't like at all, I'm not going to lie!

The first year that Shawn was gone I took off of work entirely. I took that time to grieve, to figure things out, and to just try to learn to live again. It was so nice to not have to worry about going to work and having a bad day there. That in itself was a comfort to me, after all I never did or still do know when a bad day will just sneak up. However, during that year I also got very used to doing things when I wanted. If I wanted to sleep in I did, if I wanted to stay up late I did. If I wanted to go to the gym I did. If I wanted to go to Ohio to see my friends I just got in the car and went. I really became used to doing things and going places when I liked. I realized that work was "over rated" and that way to many people stress out about not having enough hours in the day because their job took up so much of their time. I realized that there is much more to life than working a 40 hour a week job. Unfortunately, my bank account also started to realize that it was running out of money and there were still bills that needed to be paid. I so did not want to go back to work but knew I had to find something at least part time to get me back into the swing of things. So, with a gentle nudge, or rather push from several of my friends I found the perfect job for me.

One week before the one year anniversary of Shawn's death I found an amazing family through a friend of mine and I started babying for their two children anywhere between 15-25 hours a week. It was perfect for me. I again had a responsibility but for the most part I could still do the things I wanted and needed to do. I went to the gym, I paid bills, I went on trips. The family was also totally flexible with me as well so if I ever needed to change days it was not that big of a deal. However when I started I knew it would only be a job for one year because both of the kids would be going to school. My last day of work was in August. This is when the true full time job hunting began.

From the end of August until about three weeks ago I did not have a job at all, and I have to admit once again it was so nice to do things when I wanted. Yeah, I got bored from time to time but it was also nice to have the freedom that working a 40 hour a week job takes away from you. About three and a half weeks ago I started working at my new full time, 40 hour a week job. I work Monday through Thursday from 7:30-5:30 with Friday's off. Thank goodness I have Friday's off, otherwise I'm not sure I would make it.

I really do love my job. I'm the lead infant teacher in a room with five sweet babies. Since I'm the only one in the room I can only have four at a time by myself. The ages of the babies are 5 months, 6 months, 8 months, 10 months, and 12 months. Needless to say my work day FLY'S by fast! Since I'm alone in my room I either changing a diaper, feeding a baby, rocking a baby or playing with a baby all day long. I seriously do not sit down unless I am rocking a baby to sleep, and even that I usually do on the floor playing or talking to a baby sitting next to me. A ten hour day really goes fast and I was so worried it would drag, but it it the total opposite. Today I had no clue it was noon and time for my break when the director came in and told me.

It's not the new job that is the problem. It's adjusting to the new schedule. I'm a night person who also happens to need my sleep. I used to stay up until midnight or 1:00am, then sleep in til 8:30-9:00. Then get up and go to the gym everyday. I now can to stay up that late, or rather should not stay up that late because I need to get up by 6:00 am. And NO gym, which by the way is making me go and feel insane. Working out is such a stress reliever for me. It is also an adjustment for me to not get things done during the day when I'm used to doing them. I always went grocery shopping during the day, who wants to do that at night after work? No me! I'm used to seeing Ry and the kids right after he got out of work and the kids got out of school, now I don't see them until almost 6:00 at night. I miss talking to my friends on the phone during the day. Yes, Megan and I typically talk at least a few minutes every day on the phone. Now, we have to fit it in on my lunch, and well that just does not cut it. I don't really like the fact that I have to come home at night and do the things such as cleaning and laundry that I used to do during the day.

I so don't mean to complain and sound like a spoiled brat who has never worked. Up until Shawn died I always worked full time and did exactly what I'm doing now with doing things at night and on the weekends and I got in a rhythm, I just need to find that rhythm again. There are millions of woman out there who do way more than I do and do it damn well.

I've adjusted to a whole lot worse in my life, I know I will adjust to the new schedule I just think it's going to take a little time. Thank goodness I like my job, I would hate to think how awful it would be if I didn't.