A Few Thoughts...

Once again sorry that it has been a week since I've last posted. I'm tellin ya...I'm busy these days. Between spending time with Mr. X, his family, my family, my girlfriends, working out, and working more hours than I have I'm just plain busy! Yesterday morning when my alarm went off at 6:00 a.m. I did not want to get out of bed, I was tired and just wanted to stay in my big cozy bed and sleep, I felt like I needed a day to chill out. I rolled back over for a few minutes and started thinking... A year ago at this time I didn't have a lot going on in my life. I was just starting to leave the house, let alone be "busy". This time last year marked six months since Shawn had died, and for me, I was really starting to feel the pain of losing him. I was grieving more than then I had the first six months and it was a really difficult time for me. I realized how grateful I am now to be so busy. I'm happy that I get to spend time with Mr. X, his kids and his family. I'm grateful that I'm not home much anymore due to the fact that I'm busy again...busy living once again. Yesterday morning I told myself I wouldn't complain about my life today, because my life one year ago was so much worse. My life today is good, I'm smiling and happy, but yes, I'm busier today than I was then. So for today since I have a few free minutes I'm going to do a post sprinkled with a few different thoughts, random in nature. I hope you don't mind...keep coming back because I do have some other really good posts lined up in my head during the next few weeks.

*So who watches The Bachelor?? Come on, admit it, I know you are out there. Well, I'm for one so so upset that Ally left last night. She was my favorite from the very start. I liked her the moment she got out of the limo in that yellow dress and she was my pick to get the "final rose". What I've liked about her is the fact that she just seems so natural and sweet. I kind of have a sneaking suspicion that she will be coming back. Did you watch last night? In the previews for next week she calls Jake!! I wonder if she will pull an Ed from last season and come back. Boy, I hope so. If not I've decided I will vote for Tenley. I've liked her too and she seems sweet as well, although maybe a little too much so. I think there is something fishy with Gia, and don't even get me started on Vienna! That girl needed to go a long time ago. No idea what Jake sees in her. Huh, I don't even know why I get myself all worked up over this show anyways. It's not like it works out in the end anyways.

*I don't know how many of you listen to Country music at all. I listen to a little bit of everything, but I would say Country gets the most air time in my car. Last year for Christmas I got Lady Antebellum's debut Cd and I loved it. Every single song on it was great. Well, their second Cd was released last week and I love it even better than the first!! The Cd is entitled "Need You Now" you may have heard the single by the same name. Once again, every song is great! I can't stop listening to it!! I would highly recommend it to you if you, even if you don't like Country, I think you would like this Cd

*I think I've talked a little about Mr. X's family on here before and how much I like them all already, but I want to tell you a little about his sister. I love her...she is just great!! I actually met her on our first date. Oddly enough she was out with her friends at the same sports bar where we were. That first night I met her I felt like I knew her from someplace. It was strange but I felt like we were already friends. Well, the next week at dinner her and I got talking and we totally hit it off. It feels like we have been friends forever. Since, we have gone out to lunch together and now text and call each other all of the time. A few people this weekend even commented on how close we are. One of her employee's even thought we were best friends from way back because of how well we got along. The two of us have already decided no matter what happens with Mr. X and I, the two of us will always stay friends. I think this is just great because to be honest with you, I never had this type of relationship with Shawn's sisters.

*I leave for my trip to Mexico in 46 days!! I'm so excited! I can't wait to be on that nice warm, sunny beach all day long. I have another post lined up about where we are going and what we will be doing that I will post sometime this week. For now, I just wanted to say I will be on the beach in 46 days!!!

*Last week I heard through the grapevine a few things about me, hurtful things about me. I had a post all written up about how hurt and how pissed off I was. I mean I was seeing red I was so mad. Actually, not even all that hurt, but more mad than anything! I couldn't believe that people who were supposed to be close to me, people that should have been there for me, people that supposedly loved me, had such mean and hurtful things to say about me and how I've been living my life the last 18 months. Apparently, to them I have done nothing right! So I wrote the post and it really did help me to release some of the emotions I was feeling from finding all of this information out. However, I decided to use my better judgement and not it "post". The people who said these things about me have no idea about my blog. I've never wanted them to know. However, at the end of the day you never know who is reading. I figured it was best to not post it, just in case it would get into the wrong hands. I for sure don't need to deal with that on top of everything else. But for the people who don't "agree" on the choices I've made, or how I've lived my life the last 18 months, I would love to tell them I would trade places with them in one second. Not one minute of one day has been easy for me the last 18 months. No choice has been an easy one for me to make and I still miss Shawn more than they will ever know. But, at the end of the day, I'm living...I have to move on. I think Shawn would approve of how I've lived my life and the choices that I've had to make since his death. In the end, his opinion is the only one that matters. These people have no right to judge me...they still get to fall asleep in the arms of their husbands, still fall asleep together, and still dream about the future they will have with them. All of that was riped away from me in one heartbeat. If these people think they could "do it better" I would love to trade places with them. Okay, that's all I'm going to say about that.

*I have a question for all of you. Who sleeps with a fan on at night? Well, I do...I've slept with a fan on every single night for about the last 13 years. I literally, can not sleep with out one. when I go to Ohio I even take a fan with me. Well, actually that's a lie, I just have a fan at both Lora and Jennie's houses. I swear to you without a fan I would hear everything and it would keep me wide awake all night long. Well, recently I stayed the night at house of someone who doesn't sleep with a fan. Oh my god...I was a wake all night long. It was like some form of torture for me. I heard every dog bark, every car go by, every creek in the house, every breath, every footstep. I heard everything...it was awful! I've stayed there a couple of times since and I have to say I still love sleeping with my fan and I will always sleep with the fan on in my room. However, I've got to say I'm beginning to learn to sleep without it. I still hear about every sound there is, but I'm learning to manage without it. Well, that was until this morning at 3:30 a.m, when somebody felt the need to drive past the bedroom window with Tu-Pac blaring out of their car. So just a question...do any of you sleep with a fan to help drowned out the sounds that are around you?

Once again thanks for reading. Thanks for sticking by me through thick and thin. Thank you for all the wonderful comments about Mr. X and about me being happy once again. You all have been great!! I promise once I get the hang of this being busy thing down better I will be back to blogging on a regular basis. The end of this week will be slow, so look for a post later in the week!