1st. Dr. apt.

I had my first Dr's apt. today with my OB here in Ohio. My two friends came with me, along with my mom, dad, and Shawn's mom. Don't worry, they kept their eye's closed until they were above my waist.

The fist thing they did was an ultra sound. There was for sure a baby in there, but it was measuring smaller than what I thought. My last period was July 12th, so I figured I was 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant, but the Dr. said the baby was measuring one week behind at 5 weeks 6 days. So tomorrow I will be 6 weeks instead of 7. The Dr. said there was a nice looking yolk sac, and a good fetal pole, but they couldn't see a heartbeat. Scared the shit right out of me. The baby looked like a fuzzy little dot, but it was the best dot I have ever seen!

I already knew this but the Dr. said that with being only 6 weeks tomorrow, you usually can't see it until around 6 1/2 weeks and you can't hear the heartbeat until 8-12 weeks. I knew this but it still didn't make me feel any better. I wanted and needed to see the heartbeat today. I need and want this baby so much, especially after losing Shawn. Deep down I know our baby will be ok, and I know Shawn is watching over the baby and helping it to grow like it needs to but in the mean time, I'm scared out of my mind.

I go for another Dr. apt and ultrasound next Thursday with my new Dr. back in Michigan. So until then I'm trying to stay positive, but it is so hard. My boobs are really starting to hurt, and I think I may be in the beginning of morning sickness. Smells are horrible for me and make me dry heave all the time. Nice huh!? So at least that is making me feel a little better.

I also had about 9 viles of blood drawn so maybe I will get some good results out of those. I should get most of the results back before we leave on Tuesday or Wednesday. The Dr. also said my uterus was measuring right on target, so I think that is good as well. I'm just worried because I know the day I ovulated and I'm almost 99.99% sure that is the day I also got pregnant. The Dr. did say something about the possibility of late implantation. But if that was the case would I have gotten a + hpt at 14 dpo?

So until next week, I'm going to try and stay as positive as I can. I can't believe that someone would make me lose my husband and baby within a few weeks of each other, and like I said I know Shawn is going to be helping our baby in any way that he can.

Oh, for any of you that watch or care about college football. Shawn's team is playing Ohio State tomorrow. The game is on at 12:00. The first offensive play is the play that Shawn was working on when he died. His initials "SC" will also be placed on every helmet for YSU. And they are also doing a tribute to him sometime during the game, either before, the middle or after. I will be watching and probably crying.

Ok, I feel like this is a very long post, and it has been a long day with the Dr. apt. and starting to pack up our house. So I think I'm going to go sit in my closet and cry in one of Shawn's shirts for a few minutes. Haven't done that in a few days. Now I feel stressed out and I'm really really starting to miss him. In the 12 years we have been together, we have never been apart for longer than one night.

Please pray that everything is ok for our baby.

I will update again soon.

Thank you for everything, you have ALL been GREAT to me!!!!