Finally Some Answers!!

Okay, so once again I haven't written a post when I told you I all would. I would be surprised at all if I had half of my readers with my lack of posts. I've had the last week off of work and was so just going to sit and blog all day everyday. However, life happened and I didn't sit down all week long, I was gone or going every day. I actually did sit down one night to write a post, but I read your blogs instead and well, was just too tired to write a post of my own. I'm so happy that my life is very different now than it was at this point last year. Last year at this time all I did was sit at the computer and blog. Times and things have changed and I no longer have all that "free" time to blog like I used too. I'm actually a little sad about that because I love blogging so much. I also know that when I can tell you all of my "little secrets" I will once again be blogging more, for now it just seems like some of the things I want to share with you I shouldn't now and that is also hampering my blogging just a bit. So please just stick with me, I promise I will start making more time for posts and will be back to posting more frequently shortly. Now on to the answers to questions that you all asked me. Enjoy....

*What kind of work do I do? I have a degree in Child Development and with that I have always worked in different childcare centers depending on where Shawn and I were living. While in Ohio I started off as a Lead Infant Teacher and moved my way up to Assistant Director. At the time of Shawn's death I was a Lead Toddler teacher at another center in Ohio. As many of you know I took the year after Shawn's death "off" to figure out my life and to grieve. Since last August I have been "babysitting" for a friend's children about 30 hours a week. However in August both kids will be in school so I will have to figure something else out. Anyone have any suggestions?

*How did I meet my friends that are widows? One of the lady's actually went to the funeral home where we all happened to have our husbands funerals at. She was talking to one of the people who worked there and asked if they knew of any other "young widows" in town. She wanted names because there is very little support for young widows or widowers in our town. As it turns out all four of our husbands died just within three weeks of each other. One on August 15, Shawn on August 18, one one September 4, and then the last on September 7. Two of us were at the same funeral home at the same times and we just didn't realize it. So needless to say the funeral home director gave her the other three names and we all met. The rest is history, we have been through so much together. We are always there for each other and always will be. We have cried together, laughed together, and have started living once again with each other. These are three lady's that I would have never of met if Shawn had not passed away. People really do come into your life when you need them the most and I'm so grateful and blessed to have them in my life.

*What specifically happened that is keeping me from posting? This question was asked by a few different people and all I have to say is look at you all trying to be tricky ;) I however can not share this with you at this point and time. Hopefully I will be able to spill the beans with in the next few weeks, and let me tell you when I do it will be one LONG post so be prepared to read! I also want to thank those of you who have emailed me asking if everything is okay. I'm good, I just need to guard my privacy for a while.

*When are you going to show a picture of Mr. X? I have to ask Mr. X and make sure he is comfortable having his picture on a blog that is read all over the world. (Wait is my blog read all over the world anymore, not sure about that one) I will try to make it a point to ask him in the next few days and see what his thoughts are on that. There are two pictures I would like to share with you if it is okay with him. We are also going to a wedding this weekend and I'm sure pictures will be taken there. For those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, my new profile picture has him in it.

*What is my favorite recipe? My favorite recipe is from Everyday Italian on the Food Network (love that channel) and it is for Citrus Chicken and roasted garlic potatoes and it is oh-so-yummy. I will post the recipe one day so you can all try it. It sounds like a "big deal" to make but it is actually very easy. Do I and Mr. X like to cook together? We both like to really cook, but we have not actually cooked together yet. I usually get home from work right around six and it always seems like he has dinner already started. One day however I would love to be able to cook dinner together.

*Will I have kids if I remarry? That is kind of a hard question to answer. The simple answer is yes, I would love to have children someday. However, I guess it just depends on who and if I ever get remarried again to fully be able to answer this question. I will however tell you that I'm extremely close to Mr. X's children and love them as if they were my own.
Do I think Mr. X and I will get married? Once again I just don't know. We have talked about marriage in a big picture kind of way. In the happily ever type of way we would both like to get remarried. Then in the realistic type of way we were both hurt (in two totally different ways) and I think it will take some time for us to figure out if marriage is something that we both want. If that answer makes any sense at all, I'm not sure.
Am I still considered "family" to Shawn's family and do I still attend family functions with them? Yes, I think I'm still considered family to Shawn's family. Things have been a bit strained since Shawn's death, but I think I will always be a part of their family. The last family function that I went to was Christmas Eve. That was always Shawn's favorite night of the year, so I felt like I had to go for Shawn, but I have to tell you it was very strange, awkward, and a little unsettling for me to be there. I'm pretty sure unless there is a death within the family that was the last function that I will be attending.

*Was Shawn healthy prior to his death? Yes, for the most part Shawn was healthy before he passed away.

*How do I feel about infidelity? Having never been involved in a relationship where cheating has happened I don't know how I can fully answer this question other than by saying that cheating on my partner is something that I would never do. Is a marriage repairable if infidelity is involved? Once again this is a hard question for me to answer having never been in that situation. I would say everybody makes mistakes and deserves a second chance, but then again I'm just not sure. I guess it would depend on the situation and how the rest of the marriage is. Would I be in a relationship with a person if I knew they had cheated in the past? Once again, I'm not sure. Like I said people deserve a second chance and maybe that person has learned from their past mistakes and is trying to be a better person.

*What did the Medium tell me that made me know it was real? There were several things that she told me that nobody else would know about me or Shawn. However, what really made me think it was real is when she told me that my husband has our baby, that they are together and that the two of them will always be watching over me. I never once said anything about being pregnant or about the baby. The entire experience was very surreal and hard to explain.

*Am I still friends with Sarah Schieber? Sarah and I have not seen each other since April. Both of our lives are so very different now than they were when we first met. We however text each other every few weeks. However, once again Sarah was there for me in the first few months after Shawn's death. We will always have a bond and we will always be friends because of that. She is doing well and is really happy in her knew marriage, with their expanded family and with her singing career.

*With hindsight being 20/20 what if anything would I have done differently? I'm not really all that sure I would change anything about my life. Everything that has happened to me I have learned from it and have grown from it. If anything I wish maybe that Shawn and I would have just enjoyed "today" more and have lived more in the moment instead of always thinking years and years down the road. Life is too short too look too far in the future, I guess that is something that I have also learned from my experiences. You need to live in the moment and be happy with that instead of always looking too far down the road.

*What is the one piece of advise I would give a new widow? There are many things that I would tell them, and do tell them as I meet new widows. The first thing I tell them is to feel what you want, when you want. Don't let anyone, no matter who they are tell you what you are feeling or the time frame you are feeling it on is wrong. Grief is a very individual process and you have to grieve in your own way to be fully accepting of it. The second thing I tell them is something that Sarah told me just 9 weeks after Shawn's death, and it is this. "It will be okay, you will be okay, you will live again one day but it will take time." When other people, people who had not lost their husband told me that I wanted to smack them in the face. How did they know that, they still had their husband. However, when Sarah told me I believed her because she was living my life. You know what?...she was right, I am okay now, heck I'm even good now, but it did come at the end of a dark very lonely place and time.

*Where am I with my Spiritual Journey? Okay, this is probably going to upset some of you but here it goes. I have not attended church since Thanksgiving. GASP! I liked going to the church I was attending and I did get something out of it, however, I never felt like I "fit" there. I'm extremely grateful for the experience of attending that church and for the fact that it opened my eyes and answered some of my questions. However, at this point and time of my life my spiritual journey is something that I'm doing on my own.

*When did I stop wearing my wedding rings? I stopped wearing my rings right around the sixth month mark. I'm not sure why I took them off then, but it was something that I just did because it felt right at the moment.

*What part of Michigan do I live in? I live smack dab in the middle of Michigan.

*When will I tell you about my secrets? When the time is right...stay tuned, I have lots to tell you!

I hope you have enjoyed reading my answers. Please stick with me as I try to become better at posting, I really do have things to share with you and I want to, I just need to work on the whole time thing.